SEXUALITY IS AN INSTINCT NOT AN OPTION!

SEX ON THE FIRST DATE? O’ I CAN’T WAIT? AND NO NEED TO STRESS OUT MAN, IT’S NOT A TEST, JUST DO YOUR BEST!

When two single-mature people act on mutual, sexual chemistry on their first encounter it can be a beautiful thing… Many people chose to suppress  their libido rather than allowing their natural instincts to guide them toward better sexual fulfillment. We should continually build our sensual strength by fearlessly exploring the sexual domain. We really do have a brief window to enjoy pure physical, sexual bliss during the phases of our life before our bodies are no longer capable of achieving the sensual heights of youth.  As we mature and sex becomes more cerebral well want to rely on an extensive repository of sexual skills to satisfy our curiosity for sexual growth. Men who resist strong sexual urges during their sexual prime risk regretting their lack of assertiveness later  when resolving could-have-been rendezvous with what might have been their sexual soulmate. Many aspects of our Post-Victorian, post-mortem culture of sexual prudishness lavishes a heavy guilt-marketing campaign on the theme of free, unbridled and unmarried sex. What else would and should unmarried people be doing in their free time other than having amazing sex?  Woe to any single man young, mature or old, who still fears the unmentionable “F-WORD”….. no the other one, “fornication”! Even in 2016 the concept of fornication slices through our consciousness  from mass media platforms like Jerry Springer or Entertainment Tonight  evoking enough oohs and aahs to trasform a cozy American family room into something that sounds like the backroom of a bordello... This phenomenon may suggest that billions of dollars spent annually on pornography are sustaining a lucrative market that is the secret world of “Naughty” or “Sinful” sex. Has this population somehow missed the entire sexual revolution going on strong all around us…  the presence of these sexually effervescent but socially closeted  people causes me to just lick my lips whilst shaking my head... Knowing from first hand experience that sex between single folk is exploding all around me causes me to smile a very naughty smile reveling in the fact that sexual inhibition is alive and well….

Because I occasionally entertain role-play I especially like the idea that people still take time to pretend they are having naughty sex in a world where sex has become so ordinary that it has lost its edge. We really have to consider how to make human sexuality special and magical again now that it is just another form of entertainment. Sex should never be just another form of amusement, it is a supreme and princely art form! Work can be boring, food and conversation can be occasionally boring but I draw the line with sex which should be extraordinary otherwise it should not be pursued!

I encourage those who are liberal minded enough to enjoy sex for its own sake to continue enjoying erotic, sensual passion without trying to qualify it against a culturally obsolete model of morality. Once again all single men should have amazing abundant sex otherwise what will they write in their memoirs? become an artist at sex and keep it moving!

Sex seems to have always been one of those things people either understood or totally misconstrued. It is easily corrupted by the disillusioned and misinformed. In the past sexuality was improperly interpreted by most religions attempting to desecularize it. Well sex is perhaps one of the most secular attributes of men it has nothing to do with morality because it is part of the very foundation of our human instinct. We do not even have an option to opt-out of sexuality whether we act on our instincts or not as every man who has made a vow of chastity will confirm! Make no mistake that from cradle to grave all men are sexual beings! Why would anyone try to deny this? Not only does detail not make sense it literally is futile..

The next time I hear a grown and single man say he regrets having sex on the first date or encounter I’m going to ask him if it was amazing sex or ordinary sex he regrets! Nobody regrets good sex! There are extenuating and patently hypothetical circumstances that can make the outcomes of amazing sex regrettable but we shall not here engage them. I mean to be clear that I am no advocate of blind, irresponsible, wreckless lechery… sex and therefore sexuality should be treated as high art forms by gentlemen who have painstakingly cultivated them with brilliant success… Sex is fine on the first, second and any other date and if a man has to question his libido there is some other issue afoot having nothing to do with morality but perhaps closer to compatibility. I cannot force any man to grow or evolve all I can do is remind him of that possibility….

Written By: BIGDADDY BLUES

MATURE MEN IN RELATIONSHIPS DEVOTE ZERO TIME TO PLAYING BOYISH GAMES

IN A MATURE RELATIONSHIP THERE IS NO TIME FOR CHILDISH GAMES


Why in the world would a mature gentleman waste valuable time playing a young man’s dating, mating or social games? Well, I assure you the simple and correct answer is that he wouldn’t and the real, profoundly chivalrous  answer is that he shouldn’t. For those of us gentlemen who play straight and try to live in the real much of our twenty-first century social gripes reveal that dealing with other adults has  become something like an unholy cross between dodged-ball, Halloween  dress up and hide-and-go-seek which are indeed children’s games.  The wise mans conclusion is that maturity and game do not fit into the same sentence except as a commentary on immaturity. That is a mature man neither has nor cultivates game because  he has and cultivates a mature and sustainable lifestyle eliminating any need for game as a survival crutch.

If you are a mature man with an eventful and fulfilling life your personal time is far too valuable to waste trying to figure the other man’s game out beyond a purely tactical business interest. That indeed is a business game familiar to executives and entrepreneurs but inappropriate for love and relationship applications. Private time should not carry the same stresses as professional time because then our personal relationships begin to morph into a part or full time job.  Who needs two of those? And if you do have more than one job you’re not likely to have any time left for love… Game for games sake is a puerile  frivolity and a mature man’s folly.  By now most mature men have developed excellent interpersonal skills tempered by the wisdom of many years of human success and failure. Now is the time to bring those critical skills sets together so that old mistakes do not become new ones. If you’ve truly got your life together it’s really quite a serous thing and not at all a not a game!

It’s true, maturity means that many childish whims and notions must be shed, our infantile innocence lost but in exchange for a brilliant new consciousness rescuing us from the self-centered brat we once we’re. Who wouldn’t want to shed those ego-soiled diapers for the smart trousers of a confident, compassionate and responsible gentleman? Apparently and unfortunately quite a few males are unable to make the critical transition from boy to man because they are incapable of trading in boyish games for mannish style.

Maturity can be seen as a mannerism or stylization that represents a successfully  amalgamated collection of gentlemanly skills sets. A gentleman’s “style” exudes this coveted pheromone. A gentleman’s style is celebrated because it possess restraint and intelligence as subsets of a broader sense of humanitarianism. That is to say a gentleman chooses honesty and social directness as his communications tools eliminating any need for game.


I have discovered that all personality types can master the art of honesty and social directness. A man has to value the benefits of realness before he can beat the “game” game. Men who closely manage the game factor find that they quickly cut through unnecessary foolishness in order to determine if a person is a worthwhile association. They visualize the problem from  multiple parrallaxes so that assessments of compatibility are not just skewed in their favor. They can see when their own personality is incompatible based their weaknesses and not just the other man’s. Being directly honest takes some hootsvuh on the part of any man but the clarity it affords is more than worth the effort.
Even if you do not  have that “direct” kind of personality you can advocate for clarity in a relationship of any kind by politely suggesting an issue of importance should be discussed and by doing so you have everything to gain. Leaving social kinks in your path makes them more difficult to unravel after they are forgotten and build a hardened crust and it puts you at risk of pursuing pathways that have no promise.

After an uncertain date a friend decided they would allow their beau-in-question to get back to him in a few days rather than demand immediate feedback. He created this “allowance” as a fix for an issue he “thought” may have occurred. He allowed his insecurity to cause him to second-guess his tact erroneously blaming himself for anything that may have gone wrong, that is a common and almost always fatal mistake. I often caution my friends not to place too much pressure on getting everything perfect during the first 5 to 10 dates especially and ideally up to the 1st year or so. Take your time to watch, listen and grow together making certain there is at least a 50/50 input of enthusiasm and sincerity as impetus to move prudently and therefore happily forward. I cautioned him not to be apprehensive as he didn’t know for certain that his date had been offended because there was no offense evident and I assured him if his date had an issue they would certainly have communicated it if they were mature and serious.  He appeared to be the only one who had an issue and by allowing days to elapse before resolution he was adding unnecessary stress to his life. “Deal with it now”, I advised him, “bring this issue or nonissue to closure. You will probably discover the only issue is in your head and you could have used the negative energy bent on this non-issue on something productive… “besides”, I added, “giving a partner time to get over a gripe is a game and an effective technique used by couples who have many years together. They already know each other so well they can predict the others behavior and know their cooled own time. You are not there now, you have not put in the good work to be proficient at that game which isn’t a game any longer at that point in a mature relationship. It is a critical survival skill/tool”.  My reflection was that we often presume we are at a more advanced place than we are in most human relationships and we often need to just step back from our preconceptions to assess and better understand our real proximity to life-goals as well as  the validity of those goals.

Life as it is experienced through the critical human relationships that come to define it is not a children’s game it represent a most serious journey having the ability to bring great joy and fulfillment to those it touches. People who lack the maturity to accept and implement this truth sink backwards using immature games lacking wisdom and conscience to simulate a healthy, working social maturity. The games they play allow them to feel they are in charge of their destiny but this false confidence is bought at the expense of other people’s freedom and happiness. A gamer is a paranoid fool who visualizes the world as his adversary allowing him to play ugly, dispassionate games with the lives and hearts of others in order to beat nonexistent odds manufactured by their own pathological disillusionment. Living in the real is difficult because it constantly challenges us to adjust ourselves to accommodate the vicissitudes of an unpredictable world. People who play games hide in a crevice where they feel they can ignore the variability of human existence subsisting on aberrant, obsolete survival tools which they feel afford them the ability to resist soulful evolution and refinement. A gamer can be cured but my advice is to refer them to a clinical psychiatrist, do not attempt that dark road the world has far too many offerings free of that disease. Stick to the old-gold plan and find someone who is mature and real because in this brief but brilliant life there is so much really substantive good to be done we really have no time for games…

Written by: BIGDADDY BLUES

THE JOURNEY OF A MAN SEEKING GREATER SEXUAL MEANING THROUGH ABSTINENCE

A SEXUAL EXERCISE OF UTILITY?
IS ABSTINENCE FROM SEX A VIABLE SOLUTION FOR SEXUAL GROWTH?

INTRODUCTION/BACKGROUND:

This is the first article published to introduce the ongoing saga of a man searching for greater meaning in sex. Ironically he chose to understand his sexuality better by abstaining from it.

PART I.

A close acquaintance of mine informed me of his intention to abstain from sex and I challenged him to produce a viable explanation because why in the world would any man willingly give up what is considered to be the most desired manly pleasure, sex? This challenge led to a mutual agreement that I would closely monitor his progress and publish it's outcome if he successfully abstained from sex for the first 6 months. Today is the end of that 6 month trial. Articles will ensue documenting this saga of sexual exploration and I will attempt to extract anything sensible that can be shared in this man's journey toward a deeper, more human sexual consciousness.

I have maintained that the time frame of 12
-months of sexual inactivity is completely arbitrary, that the time frame should be sensitive to whatever time is actually needed, but needed, i asked, to do what? That was precisely my question... why?

My acquaintance whom I shall hereafter refer to as the gentleman subject responded that he felt he was oversexed and needed a break from sex in order to isolate himself from his instincts. He felt as if he no longer had control of himself that his sex drive had taken control.

He wanted to discover if he should accept his prolific libido as a manifestation of his authentic self to determine if he had the capacity to be monogamous. He felt he had squandered good relationship opportunities because he could not active sexual fidelity.

At first I advised him to try embracing his obvious libido but to no avail. So I challenged him at the 6th month point to share with me his discoveries of self and my subsequent articles will document our conversations.

By BIGDADDY BLUES

To Be Continued

Part II.

HOW SPIRITUALITY & SEXUALITY CAN SAVE A RUNAWAY LIFESTYLE:
THE SECOND INTERVIEW

In the second interview our gentleman subject identified a curious and very personal spiritual journey which in many ways had been the catalyst behind his decision to abstain from sex for an entire year. When I opened this discussion the gentleman subject had just achieved six months without sex. I challenged him to justify his sacrifice proving it’s wisdom by identifying tangible outcomes. After going six month allegedly without having any sexual interactions I wanted to know how far along his journey this man had come and what experiences he could share hoping they would serve to enlighten others searching for integrity, meaning and substance in a world that has abandoned all.

Of course my first question was, “how did this sexually themed dilemma become a spiritual problem and have you manage to avoid becoming overly puritanical? In your pursuit of self-improvement. Are you trying to be perfect or are you trying to be a better person?”.  I asked this because I know it is typical in humans to move from one opposite or extreme  to another. I explained to him that I had an inherent distrust of blind, methodical, mechanical radicalism because it seeks to bury or camouflage reality. Well the gentleman subject first advised me that his journey had not led him to demonize sex and that instead he looked forward to revisiting it with a refreshed sensibility specifically to transform it from what he felt had been the satisfaction of a cold and soulless need. He hoped to redirect his innately strong sexual passion toward fulfilling and meaningful long-term relationships. So when I asked if this meant he had decided to abandon uncommitted sex he responded that as long as he remained single his goal would be to achieve meaningful singles sexual relationships, that he would demand a higher sense of integrity and transparency when dating and mating. I advised him that I had hoped he would have come to the conclusion that quality sex demanded quality human relations having evolved to a higher life form from sexual quantity for its own sake. I saw that he had opened a door allowing him to pursue sexuality on a far more personal level allowing him to break away from just having sex so that he could begin to make love.
Our gentleman subject mentioned several key events in his life that represented this turning point from casual sexuality. He confessed he had often met lovers in bars and clubs, online and even on the street for a one time hookup. This is nothing strange to most men but there is a point at which one has to expect more out of so many hours of sex. Looking back on his life in his early fifties he found little to show in the human dimension save a series of brief sexual encounters, even the few people he had made weak attempts at relationship building seemed to have found long-term relationships; one of his ex’es had been happily married to a woman for 10 years.
The world is far less forgiving the older we become and so we really need an ally in our life to really for our cause, smoothing the rough patches. But I still needed to know if our gentleman subject had really been faithful to his pledge of abstinence. I remembered we had gone to see strippers on our weekly strippers night out and he confessed he allowed one of his 26 -year old young beau’s to come over and strip for him but swore he just looked, there was no sexual contact at all. After interrogating him extensively I concluded that he may have remained abstenent but that having a private lap dance in your living room may not qualify as abstinence to some.

BY BIGDADDY BLUES

To Be Continued

WHAT A MAN WANTS

Antique gentleman's valet stand

WHAT A MAN WANTS:

THE SCIENCE OF HOPES, NEEDS & DESIRES...

Antique Empire Style Gentleman;s Valet Stand

Social legend positions a curious assortment of sources in the form of madams, pimps, prostitutes, social climbers, vixens, boy-toys, gigolo's and even sainted mothers as the golden oracles of a man's innermost passions.  No matter how you shuffle the cards the bottom-line defining what drives the mind behind the manly machine is always the same, sex, power and hunger.  These three elements form a lusty-trilogy that in the absence of a more wholesome model appear to form the key that opens up the cryptic science of what a man wants.

Antique Gentleman's Valet Chair

I think it's safe to conclude that sex plays an integral part in the decision making process for many men.  Long before the likes of Sigmund Freud those who were wise enough to pay attention to human nature certainly observed how closely the choices many men made were linked to sentient and conceptual cues they associated with sex. The modern science of marketing/advertising openly exploits the inherent vulnerabilities of the male libido in order to sell everything from automobiles to underwear, really nothing is sacred. Few men dare challenge this divisive but aesthetically titillating practise and why should they since it lies at the heart of the the capitalistic reality we all prefer. It's something like adding sugar to a bitter medicine.  We ultimately, grudgingly have to part with our hard-earned monies so why not do so with a sex-induced smile on our face?  So understanding what turns a man on, what he considers to be sexy,handsome and beautiful can potentially open a lot of doors for anyone hoping to get into a man's head by placating his lust. Even a novice should understand that it is not enough to know what turns a man on, a man does not need an automaton to mindlessly regurgitate passions he already knows he has.  A man needs someone who can become an artist with their knowledge of his sexual triggers, he needs someone who can pull, stretch, compress and transform them into a continuum of uniquely erotic experiences.  He needs someone who will use their basic understanding of his libido to cultivate and evolve a truly dynamic sexual landscape.

Modern Gentleman's Valet Stand

While not every man is a Type-A personality, a power freak, or a megalomaniac there lay within most men and inherent desire to exercise dominion over their immediate surroundings and physical conditions.  Air conditioning, electric shavers, airplanes door locks, wireless security systems and escalators are primary examples of a man's need to control his environment.  The creation of laws points to the fact that men see the need to organize everything that might potentially come under their dominion and laws have become the instrument of that need to be in control.  Understanding the personal ethical/moral constitution of a man can deliver excellent insight into what that man wants in any given situation.  After years observing the way a man opines, how he qualifies justice and injustice right and wrong it is fair to say that one can draw a profile of that man's concept of power allowing you to predict and understand how he will evaluate situations in the future.  When asking the question what does that man need it comes down to understanding his very nature.  If he is opinionated and likes a good debate he may need someone to challenge him bug if he is a know-it-all he may need someone to agree with him or just remain silent without voicing an opinion of their own or challenging his.  A man needs someone who understands and respects how his mind works who can creatively co-exist without losing their-self to the man.

Antique Gentleman's Valet Stand

If the way to a man's heart and mind is through his stomach, if food-lust as a sort of fortified, condensed, metaphor for power and sex that can be equated to the fuel and driver of a man's personality then it might truly be the fundamental point of entry into the psyche and profile of that man.  It certainly should be a topic of exploration how a man's diet might mirror his personality profile.  While I am sure there is some connexion between a man's diet and his personality, his sex drive and his drive for power I doubt that there is any really consistent pattern linking the three variables.  With men, nothing is that simple.  For instance, you cannot predict that a man who has a taste for exotic foods will also have a taste for sexual opulence.  Furthermore a man who has a varied diet may not be liberal minded or universal in his life philosophy at all.  I don't think it would be a wise or fruitful enterprise to attempt to prove any connexion between a man's diet and his sexual and power appetites, these phenomenon are all quite unique in their own right.  But since a man must eat to survive and since a mans survival becomes so much more pleasant when he does not have to worry about food, when the food he eats is food that he ejoys it would be wise to understand a man's appetite, his culinary likes and dis-likes.  Since hunger does affect a man's personality i guess anyone who desires to see their man happy would make certain that he eats well.  I don't know any man who does not want to eat well.  For some men eating can be a cathartic experience since the chemicals released into the blood stream after consuming foods may simulate a high delivered by opioids or other stimulants or even depressants.  Is it important to know what excites a man's palette? Certainly, yes! Why would anyone interested in understanding and supporting a man ignore the most fundamental necessity for his survival?  If you are interested in understanding a man, any man take time to discover what he likes to eat!

Antique Gentleman's Valet Chair

Fortunately all men are infinitely more diverse than their sexual, political and dietary needs, wants, likes and dis-likes.  But one has to start someplace and what better place than with these three basic human elements.  The purpose of the exercise aimed at understanding what a man needs is to be able to focus empathize with another human being other than yourself as a form of conscious meditation. The goal is to decrease selfishness the objectives are to practise the arts of caring for and accommodating another human beings needs and desires and in so doing cultivating and fulfilling your own desire and need to become your brothers keeper.  Understanding what a man wants should be a liberating experience redirecting energy spent obsessing over personal drama.  It is often that when we are taken out of ourselves we are able to see us the way others do outside when we return.  Stepping out of self really forces us to find self again.  We recognize a different self each time we return.  Had we never left we should not appreciate the task of coming back home.  We bring with us the fine and fulfilling warmth of having selflessly touched another soul and regardless where the relationship goes we can always look back knowing that for our part we did and gave the very best that we were humanly capable of, our conscience can be free..

FIN

BY: BIGDADDY BLUES

EXPLORING SUSTAINABLE LOVE BY REKINDLING AN OLD FLAME

ANTIQUE WOOD BURNING STOVES

RECONNECTING WITH THE 

LOVE OF YOUR LIFE...

If you are a single mature man who feels he has exhausted his potential with marginal results to show for his efforts at love why not consider re-kindling an old love affair with a former flame. Well... not just any flame but a person whom you have always considered to be the love of your life, the soulmate that got away. That really has to be the main qualifier otherwise why even bother, right?First thing to do is check to see if that distant flame is still single and if so if there remains a latent flicker of affection that could be the kindling of a renewed and revitalized relationship.  Moving forward with the most gentlemanly tact find a classy way to reconnect and if you are so lucky, and I hope you will be, you may rediscover an old soulmate in a completely fresh and positive light.

There are many reasons why revisiting an old affair can be quite logical and potentially positive. There is already an established level of familiarity with a former beau. Now whether there is any trust depends on the manner of your parting... you'll have to carefully think that move out before making it. You want to be certain that you don't just kick up old dust and create a mess.  One of the key elements in revisiting an old relationship that may have gone bad is moving past the old bad experience.  The minute you discover that either of you are stuck in the drama of the past it is a clear sign that past issues remain unresolved so either you both put your heads together as a team to resolve them or call it quits! There is really no good reason to rekindle the mistakes of the past. As a rule it is not advisable to attempt at rekindling a fire with someone whom you badly hurt so consider a former lover that became estranged due to normal circumstances. For example a person with whom you simply lost contact with because both of you were too busy is a prime candidate for revisitation as long as you confirm that you both now have ample time to spend quality time together. As always it's totally your call, but make certain that you are not wasting yours and someone invaluable time. The one asset a mature man should never, ever squander is time.

Love should be sustainable, it can be recycled, revised, reinvented, rekindled. But everything is conditional so there will be some people with which the process of getting familiar again will be easier than others.  With some it may be impossible to reconnect on any civilized level.... that's life! There is no good reason to ignore potentially good resources just because of a foolish saying or fear that you can never go back to a former love interest.  Ask yourself why not?  We experiment with going back to old pleasures in many other ways such as with food, travel, jobs, entertainment, etc., so why not with romance? There is no law that says you cannot try a second time with someone in which you clearly see potential.  Being stubborn about maintaining silly rules such as this can only limit your ability to explore every possibility for happiness and love.  There is absolutely no reason why you should limit your ability to find love from within pastures formerly sewn.

FIN

By BIGDADDY BLUES

HOW LIKES AND DISLIKES STRENGTHEN OR WEAKEN A RELATIONSHIP

SOME LIKE IT NOT!

I guess it is our nature to appease; we are inherently intent on providing satisfaction to those who most impress us.  For most men life is a continual struggle to determine what other people like and specifically what they like about us.  We operate as if in a veritable Broadway production garishly decorated with an endless opulence of, “Darling this, Doll-Face that, of Baby-Cakes this and Honey-Lamb that!” as if applying a heavily-sugared glaze to our every action to make it more appealing to our beloveds whomever they may be…  Rather than devote so much effort marketing the hard-selling aspects of our personality to others why don’t we focus on understanding what they don’t like!

Babies, dogs and cats don’t like when we bathe them.  Men don’t like it when we treat them like a child or an emotional woman.  Women don’t like it when a man patronizes them instead of respecting and acknowledging their intelligence and strength.  It seems we spend so much time trying to figure out what people like that we fail to also understand what they do not like. 

It is not enough to have a good sense of what somebody doesn’t like, in order for that knowledge to have any practical usefulness we have to also understand why and develop a strategy to avoid triggering their distaste but managed within reasonable boundaries that support our own self-esteem. In order to maintain a healthy balance we need to actually map a person’s various dislikes and also develop strategies to avoid stimulating them but not obsess about the eventual, incidental times that we forget and actually do something we know a person does not care for.  This means that we are not reduced to walking on eggshells in order to maintain a relationship that appears to be healthy because there are no conflicts.  This also means that others must invest an equal amount of attention to our dislikes as we do theirs.

Paired with the list of dislikes should be a rational component justifying the dislike.  For instance, “my Boo does not like his coffee hot or with cream because it hurts is gums and fillings and because he is also lactose intolerant.” Balanced with, “My Boonkums loves his tea with fresh cream at approximately 120 degrees Fahrenheit and with slightly burnt toast.”  Balanced further with, “my Honey-Bunny knows I like my coffee ice cold and served in a mason jar with one teaspoon of sugar.”  Understanding likes and dislikes should reveal that a person’s dislikes are not always a direct opposite of their likes.  For instance someone may not like rain but they may not like direct sunshine either.  We have to work harder to understand those whom we care for we must pay attention to them and learn to understand why they are the way they are.  We cannot ask their best friends or get the information from Facebook, it has to come from one on one intensive interaction, that is the way human beings should work.

So the next time you go on a date pay close attention and don’t just focus on what that person tells you or appears to like watch them and learn first-hand what they dislike and try to turn that information into a positive…  Cheers!

Fin…

By Bigdaddy Blues

UNDERSTANDING LOVE AND ITS ABSENCE...

ON THE VANISHING OF A ONCE-PROMISING AFFECTION…

THE BIRTH OF TRUE LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING…

I’ve often wondered why and also how love simply vanishes?  I’ve asked myself,

“If love can be so easily erased then it must never have been really established”.

This revelation led me to finally accept that what I had once imagined to be a promising affection was no more than a mirage.  I realized, (as we often do in the aftermath of a bewildering journey), had I examined it closer every detail would have led me to my final evaluation. But I had always been spot-on with this particular romance, or so I thought...  I realized however that I had enabled a half-baked promise to linger for nearly 6 years pointing it out victoriously each time but never plotting its outrageously intermittent infrequency on a tangible timeline.  Though I knew it was a mirage, a dead thing given life only by my desire to make it alive I never gave it a formal ending.  To do so would ultimately be the death of that once-promising affection even though that once upon a time was now many years past due.  My rational and sensible natures would not allow me to ignore the obvious contradictions between a growing human connection and a series of random events superficially suspended in an equation whose integers refused to close or balance.  Who was this person I had allowed access into my world 2 or 3 times a year and why or rather how could I have maintained such a sophomoric affection for a man about whom I knew virtually nothing?

“We love some men as we do a comforting mirage, we keep them as a handsome image stored floating someplace in our infrequent consciousness…”

The game played by some men who do not have the strength to commit with those who do is to oscillate in the background like a vintage film emulsion.  We see them flicker as a random frame of film but take no notice that that between each flicker are weeks, months and years of blank space… We fill the substantial interstice, the blank space, with the pure fantasy of how we would have liked to have developed a relationship but it is always only a precious little piece of emptiness if that is possible… Oscillation is a seriously dangerous social characteristic, it is a trait typified by behavior which continually moves from place to place because it is too unstable and weak to establish itself any place for a meaningful period of time.  Oscillators keep moving so they can evade observation; they always have an excuse to be inaccessible and they typically contradict their actions by dropping heavily laden language about love and commitment as if to balance the fact that they have neither time nor intent to cultivate either. 

“Love always leaves a positive imprint upon the lives of those whom it touches; anything negative is not the residue of love…”

Therefore, demand that a man with whom you would be partnered spend as much quality time as is needed to build a substantive relationship.  Love cannot vanish if it has never been established!  If you are feeling emptiness it is only because you did not demand a fulfilling relationship and having invested so much time holding the promise of love the only thing you find in your hands is wasted time… not love… because love has volume and energy… never waste time…  Since there is no prescription for love, when or if it should ever appear, you should focus on the building blocks of love such as friendship and trust, integrity because without these fundamentals love cannot grow or flourish…  You should accept when you no longer feel obliged to pursue a relationship because you have no evidence of love… but know also that love is not about sexual attraction, it is possible to be in love but not to be sexually compatible… love is not a literal phenomenon, it is as unique as your ability to understand it…

“love is not sex, it does not need sex in order to exist therefore never abandon true love for sex or because of sex”

The wide-world of possibilities leaves us dangling from a short-string of pure hope…  we can take that string apart and from it weave a longer, thinner string increasing our reach to where we desire or hope to go.  It is not about how much string we have for we will certainly run out of the short string eventually, hope is about the ability to understand what the string represents thereby replacing it with understanding and increasing our scope, our reach to infinity…

FIN

BY BIGDADDY BLUES