Saturday, July 5, 2014



When someone says they suffer from “Sex on the Brain” what exactly do they mean, what are they buying into?    We usually treat human sexuality on a very broad scale because the human experience is so vast… it is almost always incorrect to assess human sexuality as an absolute because like most things driven by human nature and instinct they are subject to constant change. 

Some will argue that human instinct never really changes at all with respect to sexuality.  So does this mean that horny adolescent of 15 is still bursting pimples underneath the cloak of a mature 85 year old man?  I seriously doubt it, as a matter of fact as a mature man of 52 I have notices marked changes in my own highly powered libido since the time of my teens.  What I have discovered is that while my sex drive has remained very high it has been tempered by my life’s experiences which have redefined those things I once understood to be sex when I was just beginning to learn about sex.  While still exploring my sexuality I find that I draw from a far more diverse and reliable foundation from which to classify and manage the many different types of sexual data processed by my brain.  The mature man is similarly based, he has a vast store of sexual and general life experience but due to his age he is expected to be less keyed in to his sexuality as if it should have suddenly died for some particular reason.  It has not, and should not have gone anywhere; it is a vital and important as any other aspect of his constitution and should still be explored and refined.  By the time a man reaches age 50 he is just beginning to really understand how to isolate a sex act from what it really means in human, social and philosophic terms…

One’s world view is a key factor in the way they associate sexuality with the events in their lives.   I once had a college professor in my early 20’s who in his mid-40’s alluded to sexuality as a framework for explaining nearly everything.  His technique certainly got everyone’s attention and remarkably because we were all mature adults it helped us relate to his instruction on a more intimate level.   Did this professor have sex on the brain or was he merely using a humorous but culturally relevant tool and technique to help his typically younger students understand the complex principles of 3-dimensional architectural and engineering design?  I like to think because he was far more sexually mature than his audience he found it compelling to nurture our desire to receive his sexual mentorship as a bonus while exploiting it as a hook to grab our attention.  Surprisingly no one was ever offended and it is my opinion that his highly effective teaching strategy incorporating sex and humor proved that human sexuality is far broader than most of us have ever imagined!  This mature man who obviously had sex on his brain suddenly found himself surrounded  most of his day by those who were far less sexually sophisticated than he and he used it in a positive way to help teach and entertain both the mysteries and complexities of architecture and engineering and of human sexuality.  This can be seen as a means of passive sexual expression, a conceptual, intellectual manifestation albeit a substitute for the physical consummation of sexual desire.  Mature men who discover they are experts on human sexuality can use their expertise to help others and to further explore their theories on sexuality taking them to a higher level of sexual consciousness.

Growing up in Catholic school and through catholic college I quickly realized the 8th deadly sin was to bring up the subject of homosexuality in any catholic classroom.  If one wanted the subject changed instantly, desired to get the class to come to a complete silence, if one desired to see who was really listening to what was happening in the classroom discussion or if one just wanted to get a quick laugh at the professor and students’ uncomfortable reaction the thing to do was to mention homosexuality and present it as a topic for discussion.  In this case it became very much, “Sex Not On The Brain” or was it?  Was it really “Sex On The Brain But Don’t Admit It”?  A terrible but immensely humorous permutation of the Victorian “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” mentality?  Well then, “Father forgive me for I have sinned many a time,” because once I learned the power of this trick I must confess I used it to amuse myself during the long, boring moments of so many 8:00 classes…  As a mature man I no longer see this as an opportunity for cheap humor I visualize it as an opportunity to challenge others to face those truths which have been swept under the rug for so many years and thereby to reveal the true grain of the floor beneath. 

We should ask ourselves is there any problem with sexuality being a part of our consciousness on a continual basis?  Why not?  Romance languages, (owing to their name) separate and organize their concept of everything with respect to a masculine or feminine quality for example, in French we would say, “je vois la petite fille” or “je vois l’enfant de garcon” used to distinguish whether we were looking at male or female child.  Certainly this universal example cannot be viewed as a negative bringing us full circle to examine whether or not sex on the brain is a good thing, a bad thing or as I recommend just a normal human quality.  Ask yourself when did it become a bad thing to muse on sex and why?  When did sex become a bad thing and why?  If your answer is that sex is not a bad thing, that it is a purely and honestly, intrinsically human thing and therefore to be cherished as a valuable, essential element of our makeup then you have passed the test!  Sex is not, has never been and never will be a bad thing.  For is sex is bad then we humans are also bad because instinctually we are so intrinsically tied to our sexuality both personally and socially.  For this reason mature men treat sexuality as a trusted old friend while young men treat it as a curious new acquaintance. 

It is a downhill regression once we begin raise the inevitable negative hypotheticals which might be typified as people who cannot be productive at work or otherwise in any milieu save sex due to a perceived sexual addiction or people demonstrating what society perceives as an aberrant sexual disorder.   I have to emphasize that in such cases we are looking at rarities representing the extreme poles of human sexuality and not the meat of what can be considered the common human sexual experience.  Most human beings do not express their sexuality from an extreme pole rather they fall somewhere within the wide, deep, grey area between the two poles whatever they are?  So what are the two poles of human sexuality; are they celibate and oversexed?  If so how do we define oversexed, who among us has examined 99.999 percent of human beings and effectively determined that there is actually a definition that universally captures the concept of how the condition of being oversexed is defined and quantified?  At what threshold does normal sex become abnormal sex, when does undersexed become average sexed and when does average sexed become oversexed?  If there is some chart that exists that was not devised by most absurd, anal retentive and sexually disconnected person imaginable then now would be the time to brandish it.  Thankfully either no such chart exists or it is kept so secretly that I will never have the misfortune of seeing it.  I remember as a young student in catholic  high school whilst wandering around an ancient medieval chapel transported stone by stone from its fourteenth century site in Europe I spied a hand scribed parchment dated from around 1200 A.D. listing in hierarchy the divine order from god to the smallest organism in the sea.  Then I was shocked at such a primitive conceptualization of cosmology, now I understand the limitations of men living 814 years ago that would lead them to make such grave and technically, scientifically, and cosmologically erroneous assumptions about creation.  Now I wonder had they made a chart on human sexuality, as if Dante’s Inferno had not been sufficient, what would it be but the mature man in me supersedes that hypothetical possibility with the truths I now understand to represent life and sexuality in this day and age…  This objective visualization I owe to the fact that I am a mature man who has filled in most of the gaps of human sexuality which then existed as an inestimable vastitude of experiential acreage, uncharted and undefined.  The clothing of maturity is therefore raiment that I am pleased to say I wear quite well.

As a man who has always had an enjoyable sex life I would like to say that what we generally call a healthy sex life widely varies with each person.  Some humans are happy with no sex or occasional sex while others are happy with frequent sex but I do not believe it is anyone’s business to place a hypothetical limit on how much sex a person is allowed to have labeling them as oversexed, that is the only thing which is truly aberrant and criminal.  So I have opined that having sex on the brain is a purely natural thing and not a bad thing at all… actually it is rather a good thing because having sex on the mind could and should certainly cause the thinker to refine and perfect their craft.  I do feel the need to iterate that in a world of sexual possibilities there is of course good and bad sex and far more bad than mediocre, far more mediocre than good.  Like everything else sex is something that has to be refined in order to reach its full artistic potential and sex is an art form.   It is not a bad thing to have sex on the brain but what is important is the ability to be able to effectively incorporate it into a functional and aesthetically sophisticated plan of action.   For the mature man there is no need to fear that sexuality will suddenly abandon them in ways that will deplete their manhood.  Sexuality for mature men becomes increasingly intellectual, philosophical, spatial, aesthetical, balancing the imbalance of youths awkward and primitive pursuit of sex for the sake of sex.  Mature men therefore replace sex with philosophic sexuality… We have learned how to upgrade and refine, to make sustainable and handsome that vacuous condition habitually referred to as “Sex On The Brain”…




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