DATING, MATING AND THE SINGLE MAN.

DATING, MATING AND THE SINGLE MAN… 

T'was a time when online dating was really, almost, mostly, basically about dating or at least its possibilities.  “Dating”, as opposed to what I consider to be its opposite, “Mating”, was, is and I must assume shall always remain one of the most beguiling concepts of human sociology especially as redefined by modernity.  When I was a dashing young Gavin, after o'erhearing or being lavished with the wonderfully baroque details of a particularly lusty date as narrated by some gentleman I’d ask them to clarify whether they had intended to embark upon a date only to discover they had blithely cruised therefrom, into the erotic waters of a full-blown mate… no pun intended.

Then as now, the line between those two strikingly different concepts remains blurred.  Alas, the flesh is weak in all of us and thank goodness for that.  After all, I’d much rather be naughty than haunted by the missed opportunity of naughtiness!  Still, regarding the intellectual argument afoot I feel as if very little thought has really been devoted to exploring the subtle and bold differences between mating and dating.  I mean to suggest that buried beneath the formal dating rituals we moderns practise lurks a veritable library of   sultry nuances that separate what we call a date from what we call a mate.  These dynamics have never truly been propounded to any righteous extent because it is far more convenient to leave that door unlocked and unattended so as to enter or exit whilst using the same key and “Cheers!” to that time-tested stunt and Cheers to all the young Gavins out there still pulling them.  This is precisely why hitherto, I have never seriously bothered to ask myself nor have I posed the question to anyone else save in festive jest.   Now, I ask is that a good thing or a bad thing?  My conclusion has always been that it is neither.  Why anyone should be overly concerned about whether dating will lead to mating, whether mating will lead to dating or any other permutation of those variables eludes me except for now as in this moment I am contemplating this phenomenon.  Absolutely no one should even embark upon such an intellectual journey without a well-crafted cocktail!  So then, cocktail in hand, I make a re-vistitation of sorts for the well-intended purpose of getting right down to the nitty-gritty of it all…

Clearly this discussion shall require a definition of the two terms, dating and mating respectively, without which there is no point to this article at all!  I’d like to believe that they, (the terms dating and mating), are the result of an intensive and extensive reductive process, the residual product of a lengthy, painstaking and precipitous research campaign much like a superbly crafted wine reduction sauce passed down for generations by wirld-class culinarians and beautifully interpreted by a gifted chef of the now.  However, the history of these two concepts such as I juxtaposed them many decades ago in what I believed to be a witty presentation of the human condition is far less gilded depending on how many cocktails one has had the good sense to imbibe..  Notwithstanding, I believe my understanding of their nature to be closely aligned with the hearts and souls of youthfulness as I saw it then as a young Gavin and it is also germane with that of the mature, single gentleman as I see it now…  Therefore, and without hesitation, (save to take a sip of my Manhattan cocktail), I shall offer my definitions to you gentlemen of my esteemed audience.

A date, (that is its ideal), is an exploratory, platonic journey, (grammatically when expressed as a verb), embarked upon by two, (or more), people for the purpose of becoming more intimately acquainted.  As used in a sentence, “Why yes, that attractive young Gavin has gone on another date”.  Prior to internet, dating required the dating parties to share a physical location affording direct communication and absorption all of the sensory elements required for sexual selection.  Bingo! Exceptions must be made for gold-diggers in which case sensory elements shall be replaced by a cursory assessment of financial deliverables…  Far be it for me to judge men who employ the time tested tactics of dating for dollars and mating for dollars as itvwere to fill their ever-leaking treasure chests with alms from others who have no issue paying for a grand time.  There are far too few hours of this life to judge anyone especially if they are having good sex! I might be inclined to advise those who were having less than good sex to rethink the purpose of their mission.   I have declared many times before that while I have no intention of believing in sin outside of a purely adjective embellishment, were there such a thing there should be but one and that would be the sin of bad sex!

The key element of dating is that presumably no physical sex transpires. What a morbidly absurd thing and yet… sigh…  The parties meet, embark upon a typically pre-determined series of luscious events such as brunch, a movie, clubbing, or a walk for example and then each respective party returns to their respective home.  A kiss, hug or maybe even a light smooch may be acceptable at its terminus but nothing more.  Unfortunately dating wears all too well the masque of chastity but it is merely a masque.  It is my opinion that however proper there is essentially nothing chaste about dating save that it is a precursor to actual sex.  Depending on your beliefs or non belief in the weighty theory of original sin you may necessarily receive this announcement differently.  My advice is to receive it with a cocktail and if you are truly prepared… a mate! 

Since dating is a “Getting-To-Know-You” deal there may be, (and should be), several successive dates which in theory may lead to sex.  But it is my opinion that dating should always, eventually lead to sex otherwise, why date?  Please do note that at that point when the parties do engage in sex the date has ended and the mating process has officially been consummated!  This means that meeting someone for brunch and then making out later in the stairwell of the movie theater does not qualify as a date!  To be completely Victorian about it all one would have to embark upon a platonic date after which both parties would return to their respective homes or each embark upon different paths yet chaste in body if not in mind.  I have been utterly unsuccessful at  achieving an actual date by strict Victorian standards but then to be honest I always intended to cheat if the dating component went well.  One might say that I only achieved a true date if I was completely unattracted to my would-be beau or some preternatural disaster caused our date to be sorely interrupted.  One might say that I was a pre-meditated playboy, that I had no intention of or interest in getting to know my date outside of purely sexual attributes, that I was a lecherous hedonist… alas… I confess! That my friends is why I have never believed in or practised dating!  That I am even writing about it is infinitely hilarious but necessary as are some things we find to be tediously  inane but necessary for the good of human spirit.

It would be reckless of me and I daresay culturally negligent to fail to include the definition of the term “Date” as a noun… which has become the general consensus of late.   A date, so objectively referenced who participates in the experiment of dating…  As properly used in a sentence:

“The date walked into the bistro with a very handsome gentleman”.

Lately it appears that the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction so that dating is pretty much all about sex.  While that is not a bad thing if you’re just looking for sex it has the potential to get complicated for a gentleman who is truly looking to connect on a platonic level before sex.  There may actually be some gentlemen who truly would like nothing more than to discuss politics, horticulture, sports, nature or even auto-mechanics whilst on a date.  Friends without benefits I say would be a great refuge for men without dator’s insurace!

I believe it would be delusional to pretend that dating no matter what the context or pretext is ultimately not all about sex and sexual attraction otherwise, we should all be sexual hermits! There’s no need to clean it up or to make excuses and provide qualifications because sex at the end of insurance! Or can be a very, very good thing.  

The key is simply to be completely honest about your intentions and explore venues where your journey will be the most successful.   

A mate, and the art of mating so far as I opine, is a completely different animal from dating.  Mating implies and I must insist, requires a more assertive level of human physicality that clearly crosses the threshold separating mere sexual curiosity from divine and I daresay sublime, orgasmic sexual gratification.  Mating…. my young Gavins is all about consummating the sexual curiosity by actually having glorious, marvelous, intoxicating sex!  To be certain, mating is a metaphor for sex and that my handsome Gavins is why we men so very much enjoy it!

Mating has all the good intentions of being a memoir-quality notch in our bed posts.  Its premeditated lustiness has a single minded directive to denude all illusions of pretense revealing a bold manifesto for hot, uninhibited sex!

Now that we fully understand the difference between dating and mating I believe can all pluck our collective hankerchiefs out to wipe the sweat from our brows.

A mate, as evinced in the form of a noun is that attractive person with which we intend to have sex. A mate in the form of a verb becomes the very manifestation of the ancient lovemaking ritual also known as mating. 

It has been classically noted that,

“Bees do it,

  Trees do it,

  Even educated fleas do it!”

Is that not a most eloquent assessment of the gentlemanly art we call mating?  Indeed my young Gavins and mature gentlemen it is… it is.  To that end we should not o’erburden ourselves to explicate the dynamics of natural continuity.  Whether a date becomes a mate or whether a mate becomes a date is completely within our control and if it becomes delightfully out of your control I can only hope that you possess the perspicacity to relax and enjoy the ride…

Written by Bigdaddy Blues