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| An ancient Chinese Phallic Tool (Jadeite) |
REVENGE-SEX THERAPY: Just How Sweet
I know that it sounds petty for a person to cheat on their lover
for the simple reason that their lover has cheated on them but when viewed
through a more liberal lens it may be that cheating-revenge sex can actually be
an effective therapeutic technique for managing the stress created by a
cheating lover or spouse. Reconciling a sexual breach within a sexually committed
relationship is a complex undertaking that quite honestly just has never been
effectively achieved within the rules of mainstream therapy. I believe
it is purely possible for many established therapeutic and psychiatric
techniques to be too civilized to ever be effective!
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| An Ancient Chinese Two-Way Phallic Tool |
After all, sex is a primal, instinctual thing that begins to
lose much of its luster once it begins to become overly intellectualized. Within a relationship sex acts as a critical
balancing force of gratification. No
longer free to play the field, sexual partners must turn to one other in order
to provide sufficient sexual energy to drive their respective libido’s. This makes understanding your partner’s
libido and being able to deliver the sexual gratification they need to function
smoothly a crucial survival skill that is more than often grossly
underdeveloped and under attended. Small
wonder then why so many committed relationships which are otherwise functional
in every other respect end up having to manage the dysfunction of cheating.
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| Ancient Chinese Phallic Tool |
Let’s just be realistic about the whole thing, monogamy is a
huge sacrifice that none of us is forced to make or take seriously if not only because
we are free to choose, to live and to act as we desire. Every human being cherishes their sexual
freedom and undoubtedly relinquishes it grudgingly, cautiously and therefore
legally within the constraints of a marriage contract or some other facsimile
that suits their situation! Many people believe that monogamy is an unnatural
overlay of human instinct acting in direct contradiction to a man’s libido and
potential to freely express his primal urges.
So the single qualifying factor
that ultimately stays a man’s hand from opening the door to cheating on his
partner is the seriousness he feels about his integrity within the commitment
he has made. His commitment and ability
to remain faithful says in clear words, ‘I honestly value sex with my partner
above anyone else”. Likewise, the mutual
agreement people make when they decide to become sexually exclusive says, "As
long as we are both sexually and/or emotionally viable do not cheat me from my
right to enjoy my sexual/emotional freedom while you enjoy yours!"
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| 18th Century Chinese Phallic Tool |
While we are being honest about sex lets contemplate the
unmentionable, the unthinkable but unfortunately unavoidable prospect of sexual
betrayal. Because we go through such pains to negotiate
what appears to be a fair and mutual agreement of sexual fidelity when our
partner breaches this trust without consulting us it rings the very bell of
doom! Anger is the single emotion that usually fills the void left by
infidelity. In the aftermath of cheating
a relationship undergoes a complete reconfiguration if it survives at all. All at once everything must be re-negotiated
as if both parties are free-agents again.
They might come back to the negotiation table but almost certainly not
under the same terms giving rise to the saying that “Certain kinds of trusts
once breached should never be entertained again having proved themselves
unreliable.” I have always thought it a
waste to break-up an otherwise good companionship over infidelity alone, that
it was wise to break away from monogamy or even discontinue sex with one
another completely focusing on and moving forward with the enrichment of a fine
and successful companionship cultivated over many long years. But that is a very rational and civilized
solution which in most cases is far too reasonable to survive the anger,
denial, fear and frustration in full froth at the time that infidelity is first
revealed.
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| Ancient Asian Phallic Tool |
Given the intensely instinctual nature of cheating it is no
small wonder that most conventional clinical methods of managing this phenomenon
are utterly ineffective because their foundation rests on the naïve premise
that somehow the human libido can be suppressed in a healthy manner. We know the opposite is typically true, that
once explored the prospect of sex outside of a relationship only begins to grow
and grow far greater in the consciousness like a caged animal bent on escape!
Standard clinical methodology focuses on preventing future sexual infidelity
when it should perhaps begin to explore a broader indulgence of extramarital sexual
activity especially to be applied in the healing of the partner who has been
betrayed as a form of “Sexual-Revenge cheating” that I call “REVENGE-SEX
THERAPY”! When someone discovers they have been cheated on the first thing they
realize is how many sexual offers they have turned down when they might have
experienced a far more fulfilling sex life.
As petty as it may seem the betrayed almost needs to have a series of
casual sexual encounters with strangers in order to bring the tally up to
balance. At best it bodes to be an
inexact science because while it may take one may 10 encounters to feel as if
he has avenged his lover it may only take another man 1 or none at all. Trying to set a number would obviously be too
arbitrary to be an effective measurement of therapeutic benefit. The best rule of thumb when employing the
technique of sexual revenge cheating would be to just continue having sex with
men other than your partner until you finally felt avenged. As dark as it may seem to admit this, the
technique of sexual revenge cheating works best when your partner is not aware
that you are cheating back on them, it provides the comfort and edginess, the
risk and shadiness which are all critical ingredients for an effective feeling
of accomplishment in revenge…
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| Ancient Asian Phallic Tool |
Sexual revenge cheating is usually only amounts to empty sex
but physically and psychologically may help distance a person from the hurt of
a sexual betrayal and used as such it is actually a good tool for emotional
recovery. Having used this method in the
past I found that the more revenge sex I had the easier it was to dissolve my
anger at losing out on all the "Good Sex" I had turned down in order
to be faithful to an unfaithful partner.
Sometimes I might need to have sex with one or five people before I felt
I had evened the score! Petty isn't it? But life is often quite petty and
sometimes we truly have to do what we have to do in order to best cope with
situations that catch us at unawares and hit us like a brick wall.
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| American Phallic Tool Late 1800's |
It is my belief that the technique of post-infidelity recovery
I have coined as ”REVENGE-SEX THERAPY” which is the plain and simple practice
of applied “Sexual-Revenge Cheating” actually is not cheating at all; it really
is all about evening the score, healing the soul, balancing the equation and
expressing ones sexual freedom! Sexual
freedom is a huge concept. It is
possible to achieve sexual freedom within the context of a monogamous
relationship but that freedom is always going to be based on a balance
maintained by both partners. When two
people achieve sexual freedom of expression as a unit it means they completely understand
one another sexually becoming an outlet for mutual sexual expression. But when
one party holds back expanding their sexual exploration outside of the union
the equation is unbalanced. It’s not
just about the cheater making certain that he fulfills his obligation to
satisfy his partners sexual needs it is about the fact that he has introduced
another variable into the equation affording him freedoms denied to his equal
partner! In my opinion the first act of
cheating renders any covenant of sexual fidelity invalid freeing up the other
partner to do as he desires without fear of being penalized for breaking a
contract that has already been broken.
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| Chinese Phallic Tool (Ivory) 1700's |
It is an easy enough thing to gallivant on a lusty adventure
of sexual-revenge cheating but there comes a time when the frolics must end and
both mature adults need to address the reason why it was all necessary. For the betrayed the real problem occurs
after they have evened up the score suddenly realizing they have options and
the person they were devoted to seems less like the prize they once imagined
them to be. They begin to reshape their esteem
of their cheating partner rethinking the foundation of their commitment. What
they may see before them is an exit route from a situation that has shattered
to the point of no return. That is the
real risk of embarking upon revenge sex therapy.
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| Antique Phallic Tool |
Commitment is about a mutual respect, it is a complex
balancing act that requires the constant maintenance of two fully operative
individuals. When that critical balance
goes awry it is time to put your heads together in order to understand just
what happened! The answer could be an
easy fix or it could be a total dump... in any event revenge sex will
ultimately have a myriad of outcomes; for example, if the revenge sex was good
it will remind you that your partner is not the best sexual match but he might
have been a good emotional match, it it is bad it will remind you that sex is
not the primary component of a relationship and will cause you to question the
emotional commitment of your partner. Where you take it after that point is a
matter of personal judgment. In my own
experience it usually has a neutralizing effect foreshadowing the end of the
relationship and the beginning of a new platonic one. There may be an interim phase established with
an understanding of openness to seek sexual and emotional gratification outside
of each other... at least until something unexpected happens pushing us in new
direction or into opposite ones.
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| Vibrator 1950's |
The point of the matter is not to fail after your partner
has cheated because you failed to explore a new dynamic that might suit the evolution
of your relationship expanding it to an open relationship. Furthermore, you should consider having sex
with other partners outside of your relationship as a means of healing the deep
wounds of betrayal and most effectively without their knowledge. Before you embark on such a lusty journey you
should certainly be absolutely sure your partner has actually cheated and that
it is not purely a construct of your vivid imagination! Never discount the effectiveness of non-traditional
clinical methods for managing infidelity especially since statistically it is
quite obvious these traditional methods do not work and have never been
challenged for obvious legal and social reasons. Open your mind to the possibility that “REVENGE-SEX
THERAPY” applied through the implementation of managed “Sexual-Revenge Cheating”
can heal the potentially devastating effects of sexual betrayal and may
actually help in the natural evolution of an otherwise stable companionship
into a new and open relationship style…
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| Antique French Sex Chaise 1700's |
FIN
Written By: BIGDADDY BLUES
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