THE EIGHTH ENCOUNTER
THE FIRST ENCOUNTER:
As he spoke my eyes drifted up and down his firm, stocky
build not like a searchlight or a spotlight but rather like mental x-ray
gathering mapping data for later use… I tried
stretching our conversation feeling the tension between us, neither one of us
wanted to leave but neither wanted to be the first to ask for a number or to
pass a business card because it meant we might not follow up. I didn’t want to leave that variable floating
and wanted to eloquently affirm that we were no longer just “conversating”
anymore, we were flirting. But there is
something in the male machismo that cannot acknowledge itself when that self raises questions about power, vulnerability and manhood as it might be seen in the eyes of others; it needs to
exist but cannot or will not classify itself. It needs to be verified in the eyes of others. Until a man feels comfortable with his image and in spite of whether or not he perceives the reflection of himself is favorably mirrored in the eyes of others he wants to take precautions to conceal his truth perhaps conveniently inside an easily
dissolved association or a convertible friendship that is both casual and sexually intimate whichever suits the purpose of camouflage. It is ultimately a man's natural desire to keep intimacy private which he must more than ever reconcile with a society that has become more intrusive in its attempt to unravel the guilt and shame humanity has o'erburdend human sexuality with in the name of religion. Admitting to be gay in spite of the fact that a man is a man in every stereotypical and natural sense of the word requires a different kind of inner strength that machismo cannot sustain because it is overly concerned with how a man is externally perceived. Admitting to be sexually attracted to another man in lieu of the immanent possibility that the other man may not be gay requires an heroic and fearless and patently mature brand of manhood that one cannot get by wearing a popular football jersey and memorizing sports trivia. We both navigated through that singular obstacle, who will come out to the other first, who will be vulnerable first as if truth could be possessed of some kind of weakness. The man who is able to confront his passion without having to fight his superego is the stronger man in the end because he is not weakened by the opinions of others! So although we both
wanted to say, “Hey man I think you are a sexy brotha and I’d like to get to
know you better lets exchange numbers so that we can contact one another when
we have time to focus,” we stumbled around the way people who do who do not
know each other and do not have time to enjoy the first promising moments of a
romance do. Modern life has put love on
a timecard.
THE SECOND ENCOUNTER:
“This is Jimmi Banks nice meeting you today in the Farragut
West subway station. I’m on the train to
work now and wanted to text you before the day pulled me away from our pleasant
encounter. I’ll be off at 5:30 by the
way that station is my transfer point so if you are around at that time maybe
we can meet for coffee. By the way I
have to say you were so handsome this morning and I noticed that you were
wearing Jean Patou, it smells so sexy on you.
Let me know your availability, if you are interested, by texting me back promptly.”
THE THIRD ENCOUNTER:
“Hi Jimmi, Brandon Scruggs here", the man wearing Jean Patou replied, "and please allow me to
return the complement, you were the handsome prince I saw on the platform
this morning and it was so difficult to tear myself away and but for the early
meeting I had I would have stayed longer.
Well I have another meeting at 6:30 but I’d love to meet you for coffee
around 5:45 while I wait for my clients to arrive, we can steal about 15
minutes at least to chat. I’m going out
of town after my meeting but I’d like to have breakfast with you this Saturday
if you will be free.” See you at 5:45 at
Baldwin’s Café; and yes I am wearing Jean Patou!”
FOURTH ENCOUNTER:
“Hi Jimmi, sorry I’m late, my clients phoned me with some
last minute details they could have just saved for our meeting. I see you already ordered for me, how did you
know I liked heavy cream in my coffee and that I liked dark roast? I’ve been thinking about you all day man,
really, I wish I could take you with me to Cincinnati tonight! I travel a lot for my job and I hope to close
this account in Ohio in the morning. If I
can get that business closed by noon Thursday I’ll be on a plane back to D.C. Friday
evening and in my bed by 8:00 Friday night.
So do you have any plans for Saturday morning, if not we should have
breakfast on me handsome?”
As Jimmi listened intently to Brandon’s calming voice it
suddenly dawned on him that Brandon was married or intimately involved, he just
knew it! So he rudely cut Brandon off in mid-stream asking him. Jimmi went silent for about ten uneasy
seconds during which time his usual confident swagger suffered an unexpected turbulence
but as soon as he was able to assemble a partially reconstructed one it was
time to go! He promised to call jimmi as
soon as he got settled in his hotel room puckering his lips as if in a goodbye
kiss and disappeared into the busy rush-hour sidewalk traffic of tired office
workers heading back to the suburbs.
Brandon came by Jimmi’s house around 1:30 A.M. and with
little conversation they immediately undressed each other and had some of the
most beautiful lovemaking either of them had experienced in many years. Brandon drove Jimmi to his job that morning
having spent the night. They made love
of course, first thing in the morning and it was even better than the first
time… strange as it may seem they bonded that morning in a way neither of them
had expected and neither of them really paid attention to what had happened
between them because it happened so darned fast!
THE FIFTH ENCOUNTER:
“Hello Jimmi, just got settled in my room. I’m having a late dinner with my colleagues
and we are going to make a late meeting to develop strategies for the
morning. You’ll be the first one to know
the good or bad news tomorrow. Can’t
wait till I see you again Saturday morning man, Cheers!”
.jpg)
THE SIXTH ENCOUNTER:
“Hello Jimmi, I got the account. Man we met from early this morning until
10:00 PM. so I missed my flight out of Cincinnati tonight but I booked one
early Saturday morning, my flight will be arriving in Dulles Airport around
7:45 A.M. I’m sure I’ll be hungry as ever man.
Did you think of a place yet? Let
me know it’s completely my treat man I just want to see you in person again and
not have to be watching the clock. Be sure
to text me back all the information so I can meet you there, this time I’ll be
on time man.”
.jpg)
THE SEVENTH ENCOUNTER:
Brandon picked Jimmi up Saturday morning around 9:00 A.M.
having just driven directly into D.C. from Dulles International Airport in
suburban Virginia after his flight landed.
It looked as if they had finally got some time to enjoy each other’s
company without any distractions. They ordered
breakfast at a restaurant called “Yo Mamma’s Kitchen” but decided to take
carryout so they could eat in a more relaxed environment at Jimmi’s place. In the back of both of their minds was the
expectation of round 3 of their inspired lovemaking. The food and the conversation seemed to be
just a backdrop for what they were really waitig for which was to be alone and
in one anthers arms. Brandon ordered
catfish’n grits and some buttermilk-cornbread hot cakes with a honey-maple
syrup. Jimmi ordered country ham’n grits
with fried okra cakes served with an oyster crème sauce. They were on their way to Jimmi’s townhouse
when Brandon’s phone began to blow up.
After the uncomfortable silence begging the question that was never
answered Brandon picked the phone up and entered into a neutral discussion that
seemed to be about business.
“Baby,” Brandon started, “I have to take some luggage to one of my
colleagues who is going back out of town at noon. I forgot I had his bag in my car he left it
when I drove him to his rental from the airport. I have to take it to him it’s his laptop and credentials. It shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes I’ll
just drop it off to him in Arlington and turn right back around.”
Jimmi responded, “Okay, cool Brandon I guess it is what it
is man, I’ve waited this long so what’s a few more minutes? Just call me when you are headed back so I
can have the food warm and ready in the dining room.“
Jimmi was clearly disappointed but the story seemed
reasonable to him at the time. In the meantime he busied himself with some household
tasks in the basement which he had long neglected. While he worked he did not even notice how
much time had passed. Brandon had
dropped him off at home with the food at around 10:15 A.M. promising to return
in 20 minutes but it was now 5:00 P.M. almost
7 hours later and Brandon had not even called him. Jimmi had been so busy he feared he had
missed Brandon’s call and immediately checked his phone for a text or call
around 10:45 A.M. but there were no calls or texts from Brandon. Suddenly Jimmi felt hungry and that is when
he realized breakfast had been sitting on the dining room table all this time
which he ended up paying for because Yo Mama’s only took cash and Brandon only
had plastic. “Dayum!” Jimmi said, “I
knew that bastard was married. He just
forgot about me or couldn’t call me once he got home, back in the hotbed, he
probably pulls this same stunt with a dozen brothas and always gets caught by
his wife or husband or girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever! But I’m done! No
more!”
THE EIGHTH ENCOUNTER:
Jimmi was hurt like he had never been before and it bothered
him because he did not even know Brandon but he felt something strong and
special with him. He thought that every
time he was hurt it was always different but the older he got the harder it was
to recover. Jimmy was only 42 but he had
a great deal of experience in the life and everything he knew he taught
himself. He never had a mentor in the
gay lifestyle and so he learned from his own mistakes and wisdom. Fortunately he had come through life pretty
much unscathed because he had such a positive and philosophic nature. He thought on it for several days before
coming to the resolution that Brandon was not going to ever call him or contact
him with an explanation. Jimmi was not a
confrontational man but he was a man who handled his business and did so as a
gentleman. He realized that Brandon had
committed the ultimate betrayal of disrespect.
They were not lovers thankfully but now it was clear they never could
be. Brandon’s failure to communicate
with Jimmi, leaving him dangling was inexcusable, and Jimmi knew that no matter
how much he loved Brandon he could not ignore this blazing red flag. So, Jimmi decided to call Brandon if for
nothing else shock value. Brandon
answered the phone from his hotel room someplace in New England or at least
that is what he said. Jimmi asked him
why he did not return for breakfast and Brandon had no explanation to offer
only a standard plea for forgiveness. Brandon
had decided not to get emotional, not to give in and not to go off because
after all they hardly even knew each other.
The lovemaking they shared which had once seemed so special now seemed
cheap and premature stripped of all the warm hallmarks of man to man
perspicuity. Jimmi knew better but he
had somehow fallen in love. He wondered
if his having been single for so long had weakened his judgment? He felt as if he had finally lost the
iron-clad edge that had got him through his younger years unscathed, he had
been worn down by time. But there was
still some strength in him yet and for this last chapter with Brandon he had to
muster all of it. So he told Brandon how
hurt he felt and he advised him that he just called to bring closure even
though Brandon’s actions had pretty much bought closure anyway. He wanted to part on a positive note and he
wanted to hear Brandon’s voice again but never again after that call had
ended. Brandon called Jimmi and texted
him several times later then more and more sporadically until he stopped
altogether. Jimmi stopped dating not
because he no longer could feel love but because he no longer desired to feel
pain at the loss of love…
FIN
WRITTEN BY BIGDADDY BLUES
No comments:
Post a Comment