TEN GOOD YEARS!
If you have ever had the pleasure of listening to Nancy Wilson’s
stellar version of the song “10 Good Years” which she recorded in 1965 on the
Capitol Records label then you know and old dog still has some time to wag his
tail. Take some time, ( if you will), to
take a listen before you read this article at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk_MVrX3KDw
. Now it is typically not my custom to
reference material created with a female sentimentality in mind when treating
with manly issues simply because I feel that men are so very different in many
respects but this particular song speaks less to the female experience and more
the common human experience.
Contemporary male culture is full of graphic reminders of
the fragility and brevity of our masculine virility the most common of which are
products promising to restore premature balding and erectile dysfunction. Coupled with these cattle prods to our sacred
male mojo are such popular sayings as, “You better make your fire while you
still got wood” (lyrics by Nancy Wilson 1965) and “If you want to let him know
there’s steak for dinner you’d better make it sizzle” (line by Wesley Snipes in
To Wong Foo 1995). These types of
ticking clock warnings inundate the culture of the male species ever focused on
youthfulness, driving men to prove, “They can still hunt”, (Reuben’s line in
Oceans 13, 2007). For a mature male the
end of acne and growing pains opens up an entirely new set of issues centered
on the inevitable prospect of growing old.
As a euphemism we tend to use the general term, “Mature” to distinguish
the process through which we relinquish our youthfulness for the next stage of
physical and mental development.
Technically there is no specific threshold or ceiling age to the term;
it can include a 21 year old as well as a 91 year old male encompassing quite a
broad, subjective range. But it is not
my intent to attempt to define the term “Mature” for anyone as I am certain
they will be fully competent to complete that exercise for themselves. The point of this article is to explore
strategies for men to manage the inevitable process of aging within a culture
that worships eternal youth and praises the physical success typically achieved
by older men. For example, the couture
suits in Gentleman’s Quarterly are being visually marketed by young models
ranging from 18 to 21 years old for a mature clientele of businessmen ranging
from 35 to 60 years old. Cultural
disparity number one is that young men aged 18 through 21 are hardly in the
market for a $3,000 - $5,000 suit and businessmen aged 35 – 60 can no longer
pass for an 18-21 year old. One might
say it’s a setup, no matter how hard a mature man tries he is not going to age
in reverse but then why should he?
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Some mature men may begin to fear they are approaching the
end of their marketability as viable candidates for sex, romance or the
establishment of relationships. They
fear that because of their age and/or experience they will be overlooked for
younger, less “experienced” candidates.
21st century popular culture certainly does lean more heavily
toward the road less traveled as a desirable option for getting to know someone
and deciding to stay with them. Most
mature men already know they come to the table with a houseful of offerings
that are far more desirable to the bloke in his own shoes looking for financial
and emotional meaningfulness and stability as well as the handsome but
materially unadorned young Gavin’s pulling at his trousers. Some of these men will invariably use their
status as bait and it is generally but not absolutely true that such men are
not really serious about developing anything serious; they are merely
attempting to extend the wild frolics of their youth. Whether a mature man uses his wealth, status
and possessions as a lure for prospective lovers or as a standard balance for weighing
compatibility a mature man typically but not always uses his status to
compensate for what he feels he may have lost in masculine virility and
youthfulness. This begs the inevitable
question, “How much time can I survive as a successful player in the popular
field on my good looks and charm before having to rely on external assets to
attract attention”? Which begs the
additional question, “How much external support do I feel I need in order to
feel confident as a successful player,”?
The quantification of a man’s insecurity is at best an
unmapped science. It is sheer guesswork
to attempt to postulate how much a man will generally compensate for his
insecurity in any given scenario. This man
is 25% insecure due to his receding hairline and overcompensates 50% by dying
his hair and investing in expensive hair replacement treatments. That man is 50% insecure about his erectile
dysfunction and overcompensates 75% by investing in male enhancement drugs and externally
applied performance products designed to create and maintain an erection. Another man is 15% insecure about his age and
overcompensates 30% by investing in popular, youthful apparel, vehicles, real
estate, furniture and other conspicuous retail items. Some men fabricate elaborate virtual
character profiles possessing all the irresistible attributes they feel they do
not possess to gain a “Cinderella cyber-machismo” existing only when they are
online. There are some men, bountifully
endowed, who overcompensate by using their penis as a sexual lure while
allowing the rest of them to fall by the wayside. These are the dysfunctional aspects of
insecurity overcompensation.
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On the other side of the spectrum there are those men who
actually embrace their maturity including the changing of their appearance,
metabolism and libido. These men have
not given up on themselves by any stretch of the imagination they have merely
bought in to the natural evolution of their masculinity by developing highly
creative and self-actualizing techniques to visualize “re-masculate”
themselves. I want to discuss the term I
coined, “remasculate”, a term I created to describe a philosophical rite of
passage whereby a man sheds the trappings of a manhood he has outgrown in order
to free himself to explore a far more philosophically advanced echelon of
manhood. During a man’s lifetime he may
actually undergo the process of remasculization many times over. The process of remasculization entails more
than just the transition from a baby to a boy, an adolescent, a man a,
gentleman and an elder although it certainly runs parallel to this structure of
social, mental and physical evolution.
Remasculization requires a man to completely revise, reinvent and
remodel himself inwardly and outwardly to accommodate his physical and
intellectual journey through life and the end result is a philosophical entity
that is fundamentally balanced. Because
remasculinization takes into account the fundamental changes of physical and
mental maturity it does not have to overcompensate for any loss in manhood
because it does not see maturity as a pejorative or decomposing process. Of course remasculinization is as I have
defined it a textbook theory and to be honest it is my opinion that no man can
fit the ideal, there will always be some degree of remorse and sense of loss
due to the aging process and therefore nearly every man will show some degree
of overcompensation.
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When a mature man looks into the mirror, or when he walks
into a roomful of young virile males he certainly qualifies himself on the
totem pole of manly desirability whether he gives it conscious merit or
not. At some point a man asks himself, “How
long will my good looks and youthful stamina last”? Parallel to the process if remasculinization
each time a man moves upward to the next echelon of philosophically balanced
manhood he certainly makes a note of where he came from and where he now is
with respect to the eternal manly virtues.
That is why the philosophical dimension is so very essential for human
growth. There will come a time when a
man will no longer possess any of the shining and careless attributes of his
physical youth but in-between those times he will have to engineer a successful
bridge equipped with strategic vantage points from which he can take a romantic
look back as well as a hopeful look forward.
When our twenties are over we have 10 good years to our 40’s and after
those 10 good years to our 50’s, ten good years to our 60’s, 70’s 80’s 90’ and
so on until we go to our glory. There is always something great and uncharted
to look forward to but until we realize this we must be confident that we have
10 or more good years of sturdy manliness to keep our confidence up. As our concept of manhood evolves altering
our goals and objectives accordingly those 10 good years will seem to come and
go as quickly as we can shave an 8-hour beard.
FIN
Written By BIGDADDY BLUES
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