Tuesday, July 28, 2015



I guess it is our nature to appease; we are inherently intent on providing satisfaction to those who most impress us.  For most men life is a continual struggle to determine what other people like and specifically what they like about us.  We operate as if in a veritable Broadway production garishly decorated with an endless opulence of, “Darling this, Doll-Face that, of Baby-Cakes this and Honey-Lamb that!” as if applying a heavily-sugared glaze to our every action to make it more appealing to our beloveds whomever they may be…  Rather than devote so much effort marketing the hard-selling aspects of our personality to others why don’t we focus on understanding what they don’t like!

Babies, dogs and cats don’t like when we bathe them.  Men don’t like it when we treat them like a child or an emotional woman.  Women don’t like it when a man patronizes them instead of respecting and acknowledging their intelligence and strength.  It seems we spend so much time trying to figure out what people like that we fail to also understand what they do not like. 

It is not enough to have a good sense of what somebody doesn’t like, in order for that knowledge to have any practical usefulness we have to also understand why and develop a strategy to avoid triggering their distaste but managed within reasonable boundaries that support our own self-esteem. In order to maintain a healthy balance we need to actually map a person’s various dislikes and also develop strategies to avoid stimulating them but not obsess about the eventual, incidental times that we forget and actually do something we know a person does not care for.  This means that we are not reduced to walking on eggshells in order to maintain a relationship that appears to be healthy because there are no conflicts.  This also means that others must invest an equal amount of attention to our dislikes as we do theirs.

Paired with the list of dislikes should be a rational component justifying the dislike.  For instance, “my Boo does not like his coffee hot or with cream because it hurts is gums and fillings and because he is also lactose intolerant.” Balanced with, “My Boonkums loves his tea with fresh cream at approximately 120 degrees Fahrenheit and with slightly burnt toast.”  Balanced further with, “my Honey-Bunny knows I like my coffee ice cold and served in a mason jar with one teaspoon of sugar.”  Understanding likes and dislikes should reveal that a person’s dislikes are not always a direct opposite of their likes.  For instance someone may not like rain but they may not like direct sunshine either.  We have to work harder to understand those whom we care for we must pay attention to them and learn to understand why they are the way they are.  We cannot ask their best friends or get the information from Facebook, it has to come from one on one intensive interaction, that is the way human beings should work.

So the next time you go on a date pay close attention and don’t just focus on what that person tells you or appears to like watch them and learn first-hand what they dislike and try to turn that information into a positive…  Cheers!


By Bigdaddy Blues

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