Sunday, February 21, 2016




This is the first article published to introduce the ongoing saga of a man searching for greater meaning in sex. Ironically he chose to understand his sexuality better by abstaining from it.


A close acquaintance of mine informed me of his intention to abstain from sex and I challenged him to produce a viable explanation because why in the world would any man willingly give up what is considered to be the most desired manly pleasure, sex? This challenge led to a mutual agreement that I would closely monitor his progress and publish it's outcome if he successfully abstained from sex for the first 6 months. Today is the end of that 6 month trial. Articles will ensue documenting this saga of sexual exploration and I will attempt to extract anything sensible that can be shared in this man's journey toward a deeper, more human sexual consciousness.

I have maintained that the time frame of 12
-months of sexual inactivity is completely arbitrary, that the time frame should be sensitive to whatever time is actually needed, but needed, i asked, to do what? That was precisely my question... why?

My acquaintance whom I shall hereafter refer to as the gentleman subject responded that he felt he was oversexed and needed a break from sex in order to isolate himself from his instincts. He felt as if he no longer had control of himself that his sex drive had taken control.

He wanted to discover if he should accept his prolific libido as a manifestation of his authentic self to determine if he had the capacity to be monogamous. He felt he had squandered good relationship opportunities because he could not active sexual fidelity.

At first I advised him to try embracing his obvious libido but to no avail. So I challenged him at the 6th month point to share with me his discoveries of self and my subsequent articles will document our conversations.


To Be Continued

Part II.


In the second interview our gentleman subject identified a curious and very personal spiritual journey which in many ways had been the catalyst behind his decision to abstain from sex for an entire year. When I opened this discussion the gentleman subject had just achieved six months without sex. I challenged him to justify his sacrifice proving it’s wisdom by identifying tangible outcomes. After going six month allegedly without having any sexual interactions I wanted to know how far along his journey this man had come and what experiences he could share hoping they would serve to enlighten others searching for integrity, meaning and substance in a world that has abandoned all.

Of course my first question was, “how did this sexually themed dilemma become a spiritual problem and have you manage to avoid becoming overly puritanical? In your pursuit of self-improvement. Are you trying to be perfect or are you trying to be a better person?”.  I asked this because I know it is typical in humans to move from one opposite or extreme  to another. I explained to him that I had an inherent distrust of blind, methodical, mechanical radicalism because it seeks to bury or camouflage reality. Well the gentleman subject first advised me that his journey had not led him to demonize sex and that instead he looked forward to revisiting it with a refreshed sensibility specifically to transform it from what he felt had been the satisfaction of a cold and soulless need. He hoped to redirect his innately strong sexual passion toward fulfilling and meaningful long-term relationships. So when I asked if this meant he had decided to abandon uncommitted sex he responded that as long as he remained single his goal would be to achieve meaningful singles sexual relationships, that he would demand a higher sense of integrity and transparency when dating and mating. I advised him that I had hoped he would have come to the conclusion that quality sex demanded quality human relations having evolved to a higher life form from sexual quantity for its own sake. I saw that he had opened a door allowing him to pursue sexuality on a far more personal level allowing him to break away from just having sex so that he could begin to make love.
Our gentleman subject mentioned several key events in his life that represented this turning point from casual sexuality. He confessed he had often met lovers in bars and clubs, online and even on the street for a one time hookup. This is nothing strange to most men but there is a point at which one has to expect more out of so many hours of sex. Looking back on his life in his early fifties he found little to show in the human dimension save a series of brief sexual encounters, even the few people he had made weak attempts at relationship building seemed to have found long-term relationships; one of his ex’es had been happily married to a woman for 10 years.
The world is far less forgiving the older we become and so we really need an ally in our life to really for our cause, smoothing the rough patches. But I still needed to know if our gentleman subject had really been faithful to his pledge of abstinence. I remembered we had gone to see strippers on our weekly strippers night out and he confessed he allowed one of his 26 -year old young beau’s to come over and strip for him but swore he just looked, there was no sexual contact at all. After interrogating him extensively I concluded that he may have remained abstenent but that having a private lap dance in your living room may not qualify as abstinence to some.


To Be Continued

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